Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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