so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
