Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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