What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
