i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
