Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
