He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
