omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
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Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
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So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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