you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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