if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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