Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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