in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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