if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
