I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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