maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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