all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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