I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
im holly from the hills drunk
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
