True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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