Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
