How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
