so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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