Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
