Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize