The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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