This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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