I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
