Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
