She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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