I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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