That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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