so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
