i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I believe in your delicious
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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