last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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