What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
