If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
