She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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