I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
