I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
