All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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