I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
