One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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