I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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