Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Randomize
