ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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