im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
