i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
