there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
