he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
