I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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