I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
