i permit you to call me
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
