I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
