So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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