you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
