I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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