So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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