Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize