Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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