how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
