YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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