My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize