Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
