no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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