Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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