What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
