so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
