I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
