ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
