Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
